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女子戒色吧,性压抑国度的隐秘角落
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女子戒色吧,性压抑国度的隐秘角落

24 八月 2020 - 07:08

说起戒色吧,大家可能并不陌生,但第一反应也许都是一帮铁血男儿,在吃过“淫邪”的苦后,发誓要戒撸、戒嫖、戒断对美女的念想。 

然而,却很少有人注意到,在互联网的一角,还有个“女子戒色吧”,有一群同样为自己本性感到痛苦的女人聚集在这里。

 

我在女子戒色吧里看到了什么?

 

在潜入百度“女子戒色吧”后,我发现大致有这几类内容。 

第一类,现身说法型。

她们讲述戒掉淫邪后脱胎换骨的故事,希望能藉此机会感化同类。

“戒手淫5个月,乱七八糟的妇科病都不见了”

“戒色6个月,事业、身体、家庭全方面好起来了”

第二类,虚心提问型。

有些女性朋友,为再正常不过的生理现象而焦虑不已,以为自己纵欲过度,罪孽深重,期盼通过虔诚忏悔来消除罪业。

“总爱夹腿怎么办?”

“梦里出现高潮,我算破戒了吗?”

第三类,殷切教诲型。

另一拨人化身女德大师,主动为广大迷途少女、少妇指点迷津。

“恋爱不宜谈太多,不要欠情债“

“婚前同居——女性获得幸福的最大杀手”

女子戒色吧的三大关键词:戒淫、守贞、学佛。

戒淫,就是不要淫乱。重点狙击的对象除了婚前性行为外,还包括“手淫”,以及婚外、同性、多人性行为、卖春和堕胎等等,甚至连婚内性生活也提倡不要过于频繁。

一言以蔽之,不是为了传宗接代而发起的性活动,都要被一棍子打进“淫邪”的反动阵营。

她们提倡“婚前守贞,婚后节欲”,将一切恶果归咎于纵欲,但给出的全是伪科学证据(如“贞洁女子的后代会更聪明”“滥交会导致宫颈糜烂”等)。

她们多半信奉佛学,认为通过拜佛、念佛号、抄佛经,可以切断欲念,根治淫邪恶习。

和男子戒色吧不太一样的是,作为女性,她们的贞操观更重,认为自己的“第一次”很重要,一定要留到结婚后“给最爱自己的人”,否则就是犯了大忌。但实际上,吧里发言的人,大多在婚前就有了性生活,她们也时常表达出后悔的意思。

虽然吧友的年龄跨度很大,上至四五十岁,小到十几岁,但在戒色事业上却出奇的团结一致,觉得可以借此翻盘,逆转人生,像极了一帮虔诚的信徒。

我不由得产生了好奇,她们到底是怎么一群人?

 

是什么人在皈依女子戒色吧?

 

我研究了一下女子戒色吧的“用户画像”,发现她们大多对某些中华传统文化情有独钟。

年纪小的,喜欢古诗词,爱看古风言情小说。

年纪大的,信佛,喜欢钻研《了凡四训》等经典读物,有不少关注了“孝顺父母吧”“修善立命吧”“戒色尽孝行善吧”,可以看出她们对传统文化深信不疑,盼着能通过行善积德、戒除“淫欲”来换取福报。

另一方面,相比起那些天生“无欲无求”的女性(如无性恋者),以及那些后天被压抑的女性(如后天形成的性冷淡),在吧里分享戒色心得的女子,显然已经经历了某种情欲觉醒。然而她们对此并不接纳,反而感到了罪孽深重。

我不由得想到大名鼎鼎的“女德戒色神婆”盖依林。

她的八卦就暂且不提了,据说此人曾有过429个炮友,后来却宣扬起了女德和禁欲。

从某种层面上来说,至少她以前是非常享受性爱的,为什么如今会走向完全相反的方向呢?

年轻的盖依林也有过自由奔放的生活

其实,在身体方面享受性,跟在内心深处把它当成洪水猛兽,是一点也不矛盾的。

李银河就这样评价过盖依林:“如果宣传极端女德,那就绝不是先锋,而是保守。与几百人性交也不一定是先锋,而只不过是特别喜欢性或喜欢钱而已。”

如果说盖依林之辈是为了招摇撞骗,那么女子戒色吧里的虔诚信徒,更多的是出于无知、惶恐和不安。她们害怕自己身上迸发出的自然本能,不被传统文化弘扬的女性规矩所接纳,所以才像无头苍蝇一样,投奔那些宣称可以根治淫欲的“戒色大师”。

她们主动顺应了像裹脚布一样不合时宜的女德规训,从各方面检讨自己。

比如批判女性穿衣自由,宣称“现代社会女子穿的都是缺德、折福、短命、惹祸的衣服”。

比如强调女性单方面守贞:“女人不守贞操妇道,就是挑唆男人兽欲。”

比如认为女性即使被强奸怀上了孩子,也不应该堕胎,否则会“遭天谴”。

“戒色”并没有提高女性的生活质量,反而把她们拽进了一个以“传统文化”为名的无底洞中。在这里,对女性极尽严苛的道德审查无休无止。

这样看来,说“女子戒色吧”是某种邪教也不为过。

 

女子戒色吧和男子戒色吧有什么不同?

 

虽然都是为了戒色而成立的,但女子戒色吧与男子戒色吧,还是有几个明显差异的。

其一,女子戒色吧的关注人数为34.2万,而戒色吧(主要受众为男性)的关注人数为599万,相差不止十倍。

从活跃度来看,男性显然更容易关注到自己的性欲望;女性则不然,我相信有很多女性从未感受到性欲的萌发,或是一直处于被抑制的状态。

其二,女子戒色吧的成员,往往会面临来自男性的好奇询问、或明或暗的性骚扰,甚至是恐吓。在忏悔自己过往“淫邪”经历的时候,她们往往会描述很多和性有关的细节,所以会招惹不少闻腥逐臭而来的“苍蝇”,有些甚至也是戒色吧的成员。

来自男性的灵魂拷问:“戒色了,你们老公怎么办?”


女子戒色吧成员的真实困境:对外不敢说,对内被骚扰

其三,女子戒色吧宣传的切入点主要在影响婚恋、生育方面,比如恐吓女性婚前发生过性行为,可能导致将来没男人愿意娶,婚后还可能生不出孩子——说明在她们思维里,自我价值是和生育挂钩的。

男子戒色吧探讨的重点,则集中在如何克制自己对女生的欲望方面。评论区充斥着对女性的贬低,如:“女人每个月下面流血七天,你还敢要吗?”

由此可见,女性这边的情况是,讨厌自己的性欲,所以连同自己一并讨厌。

男性那边的情况是,讨厌自己的性欲,所以憎恨诱发自己性欲的人——通常是女人。

 

无论是女子戒色吧,还是男子戒色吧的成员,都时常在禁欲和破戒的两端摇摆不定,他们为此感到内疚、自责,甚至对自己丧失了信心。

不过说实在的,作为一个正常人,性欲这种生物本能,难道不是和食欲一样是再自然不过的事吗?你饥饿的时候,会洗脑说不饿,不让自己去吃饭吗?如果不是的话,为何面对性欲望,却一再拒绝承认和接纳?

任何一个人需要的都不是压抑性欲望,而是学会合理地疏导欲望。

就像一位吧友说的,“我只是希望学校和家庭能在我们的青春期里给予基本的引导和教育”——如果社会真的能做到这一点,“戒色吧”里也不会有那么多痛苦的男男女女了吧。

 

 

 

P.S. 本文观点仅代表特约作者个人观点,部分图片来源网络。

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